Let me tell you about a little song I wrote ......well that's the thing isn't it ? every time I release a new song I have to analyse the meaning, I have to write a press release (which i'm not very good at 😂) find an angle to promote that somehow might be relatable to someone, might connect on some level.
I've always been an artist and at some point music became my dominant art form, but I've well and truly realised music on most levels is a business so I've sucked it up put on my big girl pants and learned about promotion and all the boring tedious stuff that goes with it.
So last Friday Light My Way was released, the press release I came up with was along the lines of ......what is that guiding light, that intangible thing that guides us in our darkest hour , that picks us up when we fall, that makes us strive for greatness ? good question right ?
So the song comes out and was a bit of a fizz, such a build up , such an anticlimax , honestly I've had other songs that did better on release day but no biggie right ? it's just the first day and in the end it is art and I want to look back when i'm old and see I accomplished a great body of work that i'm proud of blah blah blah blah , who am I kidding I want a smash hit song every single time 😂 but also I am grounded in reality and I know each song I put out is like another step up the ladder and there is still along way to go.
I have always been honest and open about previous anxiety issues , I've been doing really really well the last couple years , iv'e certainly had my moments but all in all my mental health has been good but holy shit did I have an extreme anxiety attack yesterday , I couldn't breath.....I felt really alone and I couldn't calm myself down and out of it errrrgggghhhhhh
My day started like every other , but after checking emails and stats on the release I just felt disheartened I guess . I had spent probably 20 hours behind a computer doing all kinds of promo for the release , feeling very sore and broken with my body , I felt like I had done all this boring promo stuff for nothing .... the feeling of failure started to fall down on me in some strange irrational way ( looking back and writing this it seems ridiculous now ) but I found myself in a full blown anxiety attack , but then something really strange happened , I started thinking about the song itself and what it actually means to me , I asked myself why do I do it? put myself through this , put in all that time , blood sweat and tears for very little reward, other than art and ego.
But there it was , the answer almost unanswerable staring back at me , I feel a calling that I can't shake ... when creating, when I'm jamming with my drummer Joel, when i'm feeling the fuzz through my guitar , the sustain and it moves me as the beat takes me away ......in those moments I am gifted with a fire in my soul , a light that guides me to do it and yes that picks me up when I fall ..........so it's time I believe my own lyrics , pick myself up from yesterdays fall and shake myself off .........it's time to reach for the stars . 😊 😘 check out the video for LIGHT MY WAY I had such a blast making this with Joel Clement .